Official Team Polizei 144 Blog - by Alex Roy

Team Polizei’s surreal day at Waterfest began with an unplanned near-Gumball-level convoy battle out of lower Manhattan…

…which was something I vowed never to do again. I blame it all on Team Polizei allies/friends Emil Rensing (el patron of Fast Lane Daily) and Rob Ferretti (el patron of Superspeeders). They, having promptly arrived at my Greenwich Village loft at 7AM, had double parked behind J.F. Musial (el patron of Team Polizei planning & logistics), Chris Higgins (el patron of Team Polizei prototyping) and Matthew Bechard (el patron of Service @ Manhattan Motorcars).

Although Waterfest is strictly an aftermarket VW/Audi event, my convoy was nearly 50% infested with interloping marques:

1) Porsche GT2 (White) - Ferretti
2) Ferrari F430 (Black) - Rensing
3) BMW M5 (Blue) - Roy
4) Audi S4 (Black) - Musial
5) Audi S4 (Blue) - Bechard
6) VW Passat (White) - Higgins

(NOTE: Team Polizei tradition calls for all friends to be referred to by last name)

I hoped our convoy’s makeup wouldn’t be a problem. My hosts at VW/Audi tuners AWE had assured me a prominent position in the vendor area, if not for the GT2 (Porsches being considered part of the Waterfest family), but somehow I knew something would go wrong. Few last minute plans - and mine were a mere three days in the making - ever work. Still, Tom Ojala (el patron of AWE Marketing) had been incredibly friendly and supportive my attendance, so it was with high hopes that my convoy partners assembled at such an un-godly hour, all privately hoping two or more of us might be able to park not in the public area - quite a long walk from AWE’s tent - but somewhere in the vendor area itself.

Rensing had brought Nathan M. - one of Fast Land Daily’s best shooters - to document our day. Nathan rode In J.F.’s S4 (borrowed from Musial Sr., J.F.’s A4 being in the shop), Bechard drove alone, and I offered Higgins - who had never before seen my M5 in person - a ride in the co-pilot’s seat, which quickly cleared his bleary eyes.

J.F. suggested that I - given my four GPSs and reluctance to speed - take the lead whilst he follow with the eager Nathan hanging out the S4’s window, camcorder in hand. A short drive south down the Bowery and west across Canal street - my discipline saving us from an incident with the two laziest NYPD patrol car crews of all time - brought us to the Holland Tunnel and New Jersey, where, starting on the I-78 ramp, Rensing and Ferretti decided my 80mph was insufficient.

And so it began:

What we did - especially how quickly we reached Englishtown, New Jersey - cannot (and should not) be described here, although I have a strong feeling that Rensing and/or Ferretti will post the video Nathan shot with several days. I’m also pretty sure that the driver of the blue BMW with stickers will be the first person the authorites look for. Don’t let my smile fool you - I waws just glad we made it there safely and without tickets.

Alas, I’d been right. Although Tom Ojala made his best efforts, the Waterfest organizers seemed none too happy to have the infamous Polizei M5 - aging veteran of 50,000 rally miles and traveller to 20+ countries - in a prominent position, and we were immediately relegated to parking behind the AWE tent…right next to a lonely white office trailer:

Although I would have been satisfied with AWE’s display of its well-respected aftermarket parts, they added the Vegas-grade spectacle of two highly choreographed ice sculptors working on frozen blocks in which AWE parts had been encased:

We proceeded to walk the Exhibition Grounds and survey the myriad incarnations of virtually every VW made since 1974. Audis, however numerous, were almost completely limited to models built after 1986 - that year represented by a lone 5000 CS Quattro (one of my favorite cars) and victim of now forgotten 60 Minutes story that sank the brand for a ten year period ending with the arrival of the 1996 A4.

Sadly, my three favorite VWs - the Thing, the CamperVan and the Phaeton - were nowhere to be seen:

I was particularly touched and amused by the surfeit of blue painters tape on so many of the cars. Those most diligent among the VW & Audi owners who’d entered their cars for judging had covered their front bumpers, rocker panels and hoods with so much blue tape…I nearly (and stupidly) mistoook it for a political statement. However many rallies I’ve done (and however much time I’ve spent around cars - which is a lot), I clearly didn’t know very much about the tuner community’s dedication to cosmetic preservation.

This Jetta caught my eye in particular, if only because he chose to make the most of his extra tape:

The irony here is that Gumballers - most of whom bring cars costing 10 to 20 times as much as the VWs and Audis at Waterfest - almost never bother to add any protective coatings. This says a lot about how the Waterfest community feel about their cars. The Ferrari-driving Gumballers who go home with severely damaged front ends either aren’t thinking ahead, don’t care about the cost of repairs, or don’t respect their cars enough to consider what happens on 3000 miles of hard driving - most of it on questionable roads never before travelled.

READ THE SECOND HALF OF TEAM POLIZEI’S WATERFEST 13 REPORT TOMORROW…